Health is more than the calories you consume and burn. This health blog is about fitness and nutrition, as well as philosophy and humor for a holistic approach to living well.
Finishing up this week, I will talk about the history of soccer. For anyone reading this outside of the United States, this will be a history of football. But like a typical American, I will remain dead-set in my ways and refer to it as "soccer" throughout the post. I'm sorry for any confusion.
Ancient Greek Origin
Soccer, like marathons and the Olympics, also started in Greece! In fact, it comes from two sports called Episkyros and Harpastron.
Episkyro had 12 players on either side and took up the length of a modern soccer field. Episkyros (meaning "commonball") was around as early as 800 B.C.E. and allowed for the use of hands as well as feet. The goal was to maneuver the ball behind the opponent's line (similar to soccer.) The offense could kick, throw, or carry the ball, and the defense was allowed to stop the offense by any means necessary. Full-on tackles, punching, tripping and headbutting were allowed. Players sometimes died during the game.
When the Romans conquered Greece in 146 B.C.E., they took two sports and merged them together to form Harpastum. Harpastum had no set player limit - some games were reported to have hundreds of players on either side! Hands and feet were allowed, but so was an ultra-violent defense. It was to a player's benefit to use their legs to get rid of the ball as quickly as possible, or risk being torn apart like a bag of Doritos at a Motley Crue concert.
Harpastum was always played on field or sand because the players expected to be thrashed.
If you don't believe me when I say that Harpastum was violent, watch this video. It's in Spanish, so I'm not sure what they're saying.
It looks more like a scene from Martin Scorsese's "Gangs of New York" than a sport!
This makes me think about people who complain about American Football being too violent. Compared to these guys busting each others' heads open without pads, American Football might as well be a televised pillow fight.
My girlfriend's mom is going to run in the Chicago marathon this October. I shudder at what it takes to complete one. A 150 pound person would need 2950 Calories to run a marathon. That's five Big Macs worth of chemical energy, and if you weigh more than 150 pounds, the amount of required energy increases. Although I have the mental fortitude to watch all three Lord of the Rings movies without stopping, I don't have it in me to run 26 miles. So, I really do wish her the best of luck, and I can't wait for all her training to pay off.
Marathons, like the Olympic games, have an interesting history tied into Greek mythology. It's not as cool as Hercules setting up a tournament to honor the King of Olympus, but it has a certain Hollywood charm.
The Myth of Pheidippides
Don't worry - I can't pronounce that name either.
According to legend, Hippias, the former tyrant of Athens, sought to take back his kingdom in 492 B.C.E. For sanity's sake, I'll try to avoid the dry details. The important point is when he landed on the shore of Marathon, the Athenians wiped the floor with him and his army.
They then sent a runner to Athens to spread the news. The runner, a soldier named Pheidippides, ran 24 miles on foot to the city of Athens, shouted, "Victory!" and then fell and died from exhaustion. In his honor, the man who carried the news of Athens' glory to his dying breath, the Athenians hosted an annual, commemorative 24 mile footrace.
See the Hollywood in that?
The Facts of Pheidippides
As neat a story as that is, it's in no way true. Although recorded in Plutarch's The Glory of Athens, that story was written 550 yeas after the time Pheidippides was supposedly alive. On the other hand, Herodotus' Histories was written just 50 years after the time of Pheidippides, and Herodotus wrote something a little different.
Hero (short for Herodotus because I'm getting sick of typing these long Greek names, over and over again,) wrote about a long-distance runner sent from the Athenian army to Sparta to ask for reinforcement. On his way to Sparta, the runner, Phei (again, his name is too long,) encountered Pan, a Greek god. Pan asked why the Spartans weren't worshipping him anymore. Phei finished his run to Sparta, didn't die and told the Spartans to support the Athenians and to worship Pan. They agreed, and with the god Pan on their side, they defeated the tyrant Hippias at Marathon, and hosted the Marathon run in honor of the god, not Phei.
Yep, Pan is a satyr. What is it with Greek athletics and goat-men?
While this story seems a bit more complicated, it has one thing going for it: in the original myth, Phei was sent after the Athenian victory at Marathon. If the battle had been won, why not send a horseman to Sparta? Why send a runner such a long distance? The only reason you'd hold a cavalryman back is if you still had a battle to fight, which makes the second story not only more time-congruent, but also plausible.
Modern Day
But wait, aren't modern marathons 26 miles long... What's this business about 24 miles? The distance from Marathon to Athens is 24 miles. The original marathon ran in honor of Pan was that same distance. The marathon was later adapted to the first modern Olympic games in 1896, hosted in Greece, remaining the 24 mile distance.
The extra two miles were added in 1908 when the Olympics were hosted in London. The distance was added so the race would go from Windsor Castle to White City Stadium.
Since 1908, 26 miles have been the standard distance for marathons.
God save the queen... Right?
I'm sure my girlfriend's mom will be happy about those extra two miles...
This week, I'm focusing on the histories of three prominent sporting events: the Olympics, marathons and soccer (or "football," if you live anywhere other than the United States.) Surprisingly, all three have ties to ancient Greece! If you're wondering what this has to do with health, I'll admit, it's a bit of a stretch. But when you hear about how brutal some of these events used to be, I'm sure you'll agree that the men and women who competed were certainly some of the strongest, bravest and healthiest humans alive.
If you're like me, you're quick to doubt a story. People like me constantly ruin movies by pointing out errors that most people don't care enough about to notice. I'm the guy who wonders how Jeff Goldblum created a computer virus for an alien programming language in Independence Day (1996), how John Hammond re-created prehistoric plant life from mosquitos (which might have sucked on dinosaurs, but certainly not on flowers,) in Jurassic Park (1993), and how humans and Vulcans had similar enough DNA to have a child (Mr. Spock,) even though they're not of the same species, planet or galaxy in Star Trek?
Yes, I should have more important to think about. No, I am not ashamed.
So, if you're like me, and you were told the history of the Olympics was centered around Hercules, the ancient Greek hero, you'd probably call "BS."
But there's some truth to this idea...
Hercules - An Abridged History
If you want to learn more about Hercules, I invite you to read Library of World History by Diodorus of Sicily. Or, you can read all you need to know within three paragraphs from me. Your choice. No pressure.
Hercules is actually the Roman spelling of the Greek hero, Herakles. Herakles, son of Zeus, was the Greek equivalent of Superman - he was tall, handsome, impossibly strong and practically indestructable. You might have seen the terrible Disney adaptation that features a satyr voiced by Danny DeVito - that's not the story of Herakles, that's just Disney making money.
Sorry Danny, but Hercules was trained by a centaur, NOT a satyr.
The story of Herakles is that of a demi-god (half-god) who killed his wife and children because he wasn't allowed to be king. In order to make up for his crime, he was appointed twelve tasks, better known as the Twelve Labors of Herakles. The first ones were easy - strangle a lion, kill a hydra, capture a boar, etc. All in a day's work, really. After that it got tricky - Herakles had to kill an army of Amazons for a belt, hold up the Earth for some golden apples, and bring Cerberus, the three-headed dog of the Underworld, back up to the surface. He succeeded (as heroes often do,) and earned his place among the gods. His ascension from mortal to immortal is what makes Herakles a universal mythological tale.
The history of ancient Greece is interwoven with its mythology, making the "truth" very messy. Was Herakles a real person? Probably. Was he superhuman? Probably not. Most kings and ancient rulers were seen as having a touch of the divine, so many stories written about their deeds include godly intervention. The myth says after Herakles completed his Fifth Trial, he hosted a series of games in honor of his father, Zeus. The games included boxing, chariot racing, pankration (MMA for ancient Greece,) pentathlon (discus, javelin, long jump, running and wrestling,) running and wrestling. The myth also has it that Herakles measured out the running track by 600 paces. Using math, historians have measured the length of the ancient Athens track and found that Herakles would have had a size 13 foot and would have been over six feet tall.
The Olympics
The Olympics were the games that Herakles created in honor of his father, Zeus. Hosted in the city of Olympia (it's namesake,) the games have a history starting in 776 B.C.E.
Every four years, the city-states of Greece would send champions to Olympia to compete in the games for the honor of their lands (sound familiar?) The competing city-states included Sparta, Athens, Corinth, Argos and Megara. Although these lands were consistently at war, the games were a place for temporary peace - no killing your fellow competitors! The winners of the games were said to be "favored by the gods," implying that their homeland was also favored. This often led to new wars breaking out.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. That's as cliche as it gets for gender differences - the idea that men and women are raised so differently that they could be considered separate species from separate planets.
I'd prefer to be from Neptune, but Mars is cool, too.
In a lot of ways that's true. Just as my girlfriend can't get me to keep all my laundry in a hamper, I can't get her to understand that the floor is the biggest (and most under-utilized) storage space in any home. Still, there's common ground. We both like action movies, we both put on our pants one leg at a time (I tried doing both at once - it's overrated,) and we both believe that Saturday morning cartoons are the cornerstone for happiness.
That, and we're both the same biologically, right?
Wrong. It turns out that men and women vary in more ways medically than originally assumed. Years of focusing on what effects drugs might have on men (particularly middle-aged, white men,) has kept us behind on studying effects for women or minorities. The logic was that if it works for one human, it would work the same for all. But the truth, sad to say, is that the cliche still holds - Men prefer Motrin and women prefer opiates.
Pain and Relief
Studies have shown that women are more likely to report when they feel pain than men. Women will also report higher pain scores (on a one to ten scale) than men with the same condition. This suggests that pain tolerance could be social. Maybe we teach girls that it's okay to admit when something hurts. Or, on the other side, maybe it's the boys we're teaching to tough it out. Both sound right to me, but there hasn't been any conclusive studies to link medical pain-reports to the raising of children.
Although not medically tested, Mom's kisses are the best treatment for boo-boos and owies.
The differences of gender continue at a pharmaceutical level. Although male and female bodies go through the same steps to metabolize drugs, subtle differences in our bodies change the efficacy of certain drugs. For instance, due to their fluctuating levels of hormones, drug concentrations in the blood stream change by the day even if the dose is kept consistent. Also, because women have a higher percentage of body fat than men, medicines that store in fat stay in the body longer, meaning that less should be taken.
Ibuprofen, one of the most commonly prescribed painkillers in America, is more effective in men than in women. But that's not the only drug being noticed for treating the sexes differently. One commonly quoted study showed that one pain reliever (an opiod) prescribed to men and women after dental surgery caused an increase in pain for men and a decrease for women.
So what does this mean? Will pills eventually come in "his" and "hers?" Possibly. What's important is that these questions are being asked.
(Personal note: I'm sorry this post is a day late. I've been making routine trips to Urgent Care these past few days, so finding time to write has been hard. But here it is!)
Today's post will give you the basic guidelines for some life-saving techniques. After all, who hasn't wanted to be a hero?
CPR: Or, How To Get the Lifeguard to Kiss You
We've all heard a corny "mouth-to-mouth" pick-up line before. CPR has been a comedy goldmine for many years. But what is it and how does it work?
CPR stands for Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation. In normal-people speak, CPR is how we restart (resuscitate) someone's heart (cardio) and lungs (pulmonary). Think of the heart and lungs like a Swiss watch. Normally, the heart beats at a steady pace and the lungs inflate and deflate without us thinking about them. Every minute of every day that you've been alive, your heart and lungs have been there for you.
If only ALL watches were so reliable...
But what happens if you forget to keep your mouth closed while diving into the swimming pool? Your lungs fill with water and everything stalls. CPR manually pumps the heart and, when combined with rescue breathing, keeps oxygen and blood flowing throughout the body. It restarts your organs, causing you to spit up the chlorinated water. And hopefully, if your hero was good-looking, then you've got a nice story to tell as well.
When and How to Do It
There are signs to look for before administering CPR on someone. For instance,
This student does not need CPR. He is sleeping.
CPR is used on anyone whose heart has stopped beating, whether from heart attack, drowning, or smoke inhalation. First, check to see if they're breathing and if their pulse is normal. If they're not, you've got to act quick. If they are, then they're probably sleeping like the student above, and CPR is unnecessary.
Second, call for help. You're probably not a doctor or paramedic, so it's good to get someone there who is.
Third, start chest compressions. This will keep the person's heart beating, which is a priority. Lace your fingers together and put the heels of your hands against the center of the victim's chest. Press down through your elbows, hard, and wait for their chest to rise before pushing down again.
They say that 100 beats per minute is the best rhythm for CPR. Ironically, the Bee Gee's song, Stayin' Alive, is also 100 beats per minute. So hum a little disco to yourself to keep the right pace.
If you're not comfortable giving mouth-to-mouth, or you're not properly trained to do so, continue steady chest compressions until help arrives.
And it's as simple as that. Congratulations, hero, you might have just helped save a life.
Warning
In the heat of the moment, you might be tempted to push too hard. CPR has been linked to rib injuries, espcially in the elderly. Some bruises are a small price to pay for returning from the dead, but still, be mindful of just how hard you're pressing.
The Heimlich Maneuver: Or, The Bear-Hug of Life
The Heimlich Maneuver is another popular first aid technique. Although it's not made fun of as much as CPR, there's still some comedy to be found. For instance, the Heimlich Maneuver helps someone who is choking by forcing the object out of their throat. The irony here is that it's hard to say "heimlich" in a German accent without spitting.
Unlike CPR which can be used in a variety of circumstances where the heart has stopped, the Heimlich Maneuver is only used when someone has an object in their windpipe and cannot breathe.
How You Do It
First, check to see if the person is coughing. If they are, that means their airway isn't completely blocked and they could correct the problem themselves. If they're not, position yourself behind the choking victim. It would be nice of you to tell them what you're doing before the next part, or else they might get some funny ideas.
Second, make a fist with one hand and place it between their belly-button and their ribcage. Cover that fist with your other hand. You should now be hugging them from behind. See why that introduction was important?
"Hello! I'll be the one saving your life today."
Third, in one swift movement, press your first inward and upward into their gut. Don't be afraid to lift them off the ground a bit if that's what it takes. For the victim, this can be an incredibly painful procedure, so it's best to get it done as quickly as possible.
Continue the sharp pulls to the stomach until the object in the throat has become dislodged. Take a break after every five compressions to check the person's mouth - if the object is visible, pulling it out would be better than squeezing them again.
What you've done is you've squeezed (squozen?) the choking victim's diapgrahm - it's a shelf of muscle in the gut that controls deep breathing. By pressing into it, you force air through the lungs and up the windpipe. If you'd prefer an analogy: the windpipe is a straw and the lodged object is a spitball. Only by putting enough air pressure behind that wad of paper will it fly out.
Warning
Just like with CPR, the Heimlich Maneuver can be very damaging. Aside from inducing vomiting, the maneuver can also crack ribs and bruise internal organs.Always have a choking victim go to the hospital after the administration of the Heimlich Maneuver.
Get Certified, Be a Hero
Nothing makes you feel quite as cool as having a card in your wallet that says, "I know how to save lives." Even though that's not what a certificate of first aid actually says, spending some time learning these techniques from officials could very well mean the difference between life and death. If you're curious where you can take first aid classes in your neighborhood, check out the Red Cross website.
This week, I'm focusing on First Aid. It's in honor of my girlfriend, Jessie, who managed to literally injure herself from head to toe within six days.
We all know one guy (or lady) who seems indestructible. You know, the type of person who shows off a scar and has an amazing story to go with it. Something like, "I was walking down the street and I got attacked by an escaped rhino." And as we gasp in horror, imagining ourselves impaled on a horn, they shrug and say, "Eh, it wasn't that bad."
"And after he stuck me, I wrestled him to the ground with one hand."
These are the same kind of people would would have you "walk off" that broken leg, or "rub some dirt" in that cut.
Well, those suggestions are dumb. Following is a list of cheap, unexpected first aid treatments for minor injuries that really work. So the next time you're at a party with that person who's going on about how they cracked their head open and needed 12 stitches, you can say something tough like, "Oh yeah? Stitches? That's cool. Well, when I cut my hand chopping zuchinni the other day, I just superglued it shut and kept on cooking."
Superglue
No, I wasn't being sarcastic. Superglue is an approved FDA product for closing up cuts. Although the original formula for superglue was meant for manufacturing scopes for rifles, curious scientists discovered that the adhesive could bond skin to itself. In fact, specialized medics in the Vietnam War used superglue to seal wounds on the battlefield. Think about it: with the bullets flying, there isn't a lot of time to pull out a needle and sutures. So to stop bleeding in a pinch, a squeeze-tube of Krazy Glue beats a Do-It-Yourself Crochet Kit any day.
"Shh! We'll stitch you up, but first we need to knit you some mittens..."
Anyone who has ever used it can testify how superglue lingers on your skin for days. This long-lasting seal has also been proven to keep out infectious microbes, like the bacteria that cause a staph or Pseudomonas infection. But there's an important distinction to be made here. The stuff that comes in superglue, meant for household tasks, is the original formula and can cause burns to skin (ever notice how warm superglue gets?) If you're going to use glue instead of bandages, make sure you use something medically approved like Dermabond. The skin-safe version might not be as strong, but you won't ruin yourself in the process.
Come on, we're trying to be tough, not dumb.
Activated Charcoal
Imagine you're James Bond (I do it every day.) You're sitting across the table from Professor No-Good and General Badguy. Naturally, you're too busy being suave and British to notice that they've slipped something in that martini of yours. Poison! Uh oh. What do you do?
Nobody poisons Sean Connery. Nobody.
Well, you could suck on some charcoal. No, not a Kingsford briquette, but some activated carbon, available at any drugstore. Most people have heard about poisoned patients needing their stomachs pumped, but that only works for things swallowed in the last half hour. Activated charcoal can move past the stomach and soak up whatever is left in your intestines. It doesn't work on petroleum-based poisons (paint thinner, kerosene, etc.) or corrosive agents (lye, boric acid, etc.) But, for all the things it does treat, keeping it around certainly wouldn't hurt. Especially since it's only $8 a bottle!
The story is that in 1831, Professor Touery of the French Academy of Medicine demonstrated the power of activated charcoal. He stood in front of his fellows and drank strychnine - a lethal substance, even in small doses. He drank ten times the lethal dose, to the shock of his colleagues. When he didn't die, he told them his secret.
And his secret was that he was a double-0 agent.
Just kidding. (But maybe...)
DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME. Seriously. Remember, we're being tough, not dumb. I don't want to be held liable.
Toothpaste
As a kid, I had a terrible allergy to mosquitoes, causing bites to swell to the size of a quarter. One day in preschool, I wandered into a muddy patch and was mobbed by the bloodsuckers. I came crying back to the teacher with welts you could play "connect the dots" with. Instead of soaking me with calamine lotion or aloe, she reached for a tube of Colgate.
Whoa, wait just a second there, teach... My skin itches, but my breath is fine.
It turns out that some toothpastes have tricloson - a chemical that works as an anti-inflammatory. Not only that, but the menthol in the paste not only smells great, it's also a natural treatment for itching. Toothpaste has also been approved for treating burns, cleaning fingernails and shrinking zits!
I've talked a lot this week about happiness, which is fitting for a "laughter" themed week. Today I'm going to explore the benefits of being optimistic. But, if you find that your clouds don't tend to have a silver lining, I'll have some positive statistics for the pessimists among us as well.
First of all, what is optimism? Does it mean you're happy all the time, about everything? No, that's called "neurotic." Optimists and pessimists both get happy and sad; the difference is that when an optimist experiences something negative, they react by relating it to something happy.
For instance, a college optimist who scores low on an exam will likely think, "Well, I can still get a good grade in the course; I just need to try harder on the next one." Typically, an optimist is quick to move away from negative thoughts - the focus isn't on the bad mark, but on the next exam.
Unlike that college optimist who looks forward to the next exam, a college pessimist would get his grade and then focus on all the mistakes he made on the test. Instead of immediately looking past the negativity, the pessimist dwells on it, in order to make sure it won't happen again.
So that means that pessimists are always depressed, right? Wrong. In fact, pessimists cope easier with immediate disappointment. They tend to be perfectionists and they historically make for better leaders than optimists. Pessimists respond better to negative feedback (as evidenced by the hypothetical college student,) and their outlook could help reduce anxiety about the future - "if I can plan against things that might go wrong, then things won't go wrong."
The important difference to note is that optimists benefit from their focus on happiness. Pessimists focus more on preventing bad than creating good. This means that the low blood pressure benefits of optimism are not shared with pessimists.
"Great! One more thing to worry about..."
Cognitive Psychology
Both optimism and pessimism are important for a healthy life. As often as we try to lump people into one of the two categories, the truth is that both of these elements are at play in each and every one of us. It's just as important to be critical of ourselves and our failures in order to become better people as it is for us to strive for personal happiness in our future.
You need a balance of positivity and negativity... Seems familiar...
Cognitive Psychology has become one of the more popular fields of psychology since the 1970s. It focuses on how the brain interprets the world and how that, in turn, affects our health. A cognitive psychologist would focus on your thoughts in order to treat you. For instance, if you make a mistake at work, instead of thinking, "I can't believe how dumb I am," a cognitive psychologist would have you think, "I can't believe how dumb that was."
The wording of our thoughts is incredibly important. The first thought blames the person, taking the mistake out of context and turning into a character flaw. In contrast, the second thought keeps the failure where it belongs - the failure "was" dumb, meaning that the mistake itself is at fault and now that mistake is in the past. Correcting this one train of thought has no measurable effect on a person, but correcting hundreds of thoughts a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year? That leads to a person not calling himself/herself a loser 36,400 times.
You can be your own worst enemy. So smile and don't be so hard on yourself. You'll live longer.
It’s happened to all of us at some point - You’re minding your own business when suddenly you’re tickle-attacked!
Tickle attacks are like ninja attacks - They're unpredictable
Two
things are happening: you’re laughing uncontrollably and you have a
pressing need to make it stop. So you flail and squirm, trying to get
the person away from you.
If tickling was meant to feel good, why is our natural response to get away from it?
Today,
I’ll tell you some things about tickling that you probably didn’t know.
I’ll also give you some tips to avoid a tickle-attack and how best to
strike back!
The Theories of Tickling
There are two major psychological theories explaining why we’re ticklish.
The Environmental Theory -
This
theory says that being ticklish is a response to a perceived threat.
Someone has entered our personal space, is very excited and is putting
their hands on us. In fact, our facial expressions while being tickled more closely represent expressions of pain than of pleasure. Until our brains have a chance to figure out whether
we’re in danger or not, our body reacts with panic. That’s why being tickled can feel scary.
"When someone asks you if you're ticklish, it doesn't matter what you say... They're going to touch you." -Demetri Martin
The Evolutionary Theory -
This
theory says that our ancestors used tickling as a way to train babies
to protect their vulnerable areas. Notice that our most ticklish places
(neck, under the arms, back of the knees, etc.) are places where the
skin is thinnest, or there are arteries present. Other evolutionary psychologists claim that tickling helps us and our ancestors to be aware of potentially lethal insects or critters. Still, other psychologists argue that tickling has no evolutionary purpose, and that
it’s just “along for the ride.”
Both
theories do a good job explaining tickling in their own way.
Personally, I prefer the environmental theory, because it explains the
intense fear I have of people coming at me with their hands out and a
look of violent glee on their faces.
Babies Need Their Feet Tickled
According
to Dr. Aarre Laakso, a psychology professor at the University of
Michigan, babies need to be stimulated in order for their brains to
develop properly. One of the best ways to aid brain development is to
tickle their feet, or let them walk around barefoot. Any contact can be
beneficial, as it helps them to develop whole-body motor skills. That’s
why baby slings such as these are actually harmful for a baby’s growth.
I don't have a kid, but when did carrying go out of style?
Avoid Tickle Domination
Okay,
so now for the practical part of this post. Someone is coming after you
with their fingers at the ready. What are you going to do?
1)
Relax. If you get too keyed up, the tickling feeling will intensify.
Calm your body down and keep telling yourself, “It doesn’t tickle that
bad. It doesn’t tickle that bad.” You’ll still feel the tickle, but if
you keep calm, it won’t be the unbearable, body spasming,
oh-no-oh-no-please-stop-I-can’t-breathe kind of tickling you’re used to.
2)
Counter-attack. If someone is coming after you, hoping to tickle you,
then automatically in the mood for a good tickle, themselves. Use this
to your advantage. If their brain is ready for a tickle fight, and your
brain is calm, you have a leg up on the battle to come.
3)
Get ‘em where it hurts. The evolutionary theory has shown that our more
ticklish areas are our more sensitive areas. Go for them! Don’t waste
time trying to tickle the back or belly, go for the ribs, the neck, and
the bottoms of the feet! Let this person know that you’re a tickle
master and you are not to be trifled with.
Congratulations, you’re now a brown belt in Tickle-Fu.
My first job was working as a bag boy at Kroger. To make it through my day, I had to find ways to laugh. I remember one day as I was walking through an aisle, a lady stopped me and showed me a crushed can of Campbell’s Cream of Chicken soup.
“Excuse me, sir,” she said, “but this can is dented.”
“No, ma’am. It’s not dented,” I replied. “It’s condensed.”
She didn’t get it, but I had a good chuckle about it later with my buddies in the break room.
Chicken Soup for the Minimum Wage, 17 Year-Old, Smart-Aleck Soul
Today, as I’m looking outside my window, I’m seeing nothing but gray skies and rain. So I’m making the theme for this week “Laughter.” Today I’ll talk about the health benefits of laughter, Wednesday I’ll talk about tickling, and Friday I will talk about the power of an optimistic attitude.
Laughing Keeps the Bad Away
I was eight years old and studying karate. There was a big tournament and I was beaten to a pulp while sparring. My uncle took me aside to have a talk with me.
“Hey,” he said. “It’s not a matter of winning or losing.”
I sniveled and whined in response.
“All that matters is that you did your best.” He paused. “So, what did you learn today?”
“I learned…” I hiccupped. “I learned that it sucks to get your butt kicked.”
It truly does.
My uncle had tears in his eyes. He had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing.
Sometimes life just sucks. Working all week can be a drag, politicians never stop lying, there’s chaos all over the world, and try as you might you can’t stay asleep on the cool side of the pillow. Sad to say, there’s not much we can do about any of this (Sharper Image, where’s my refrigerated pillow?) But if we can’t immediately change the world, we can change how we respond to it.
Laughter - Not Medicine, Still Good
How do you laugh? I suck in air through my mouth and then my belly trembles as I bellow it out. My girlfriend breathes through her nose and then giggles like a zebra until she gets hiccups. Other people, like my uncle, snort and chuckle in a more reserved fashion. However you do it, laughing has immediate and long-term effects on your health.
Take two, with smiles. Side effects include Happiness and Fulfillment.
* Organ Health: The deep breaths you take while laughing bring fresh oxygen into your blood, keeping your heart and lungs healthy. According to researcher William Fry, one minute of laughing makes your heart beat as fast as spending ten minutes on a rowing machine.
* Bloodflow: A study by the University of Maryland shows that people who finish watching a drama film have tighter blood vessels than those who walk out of a comedy. Laughing relaxes blood vessels while raising blood pressure and heart rate, moving that oxygen-rich blood throughout your body.
* Pain Relief: Laughing makes the brain release endorphins, the “feel good” neuro-chemicals. These same chemicals are responsible for naturally managing pain.
* Immune System: Since the 1980s, studies have shown that mental stress and depression cause physical changes in the immune system. T-cells respond weakly and the body stops producing immunity-boosting interferon. The longer depression lasts, the weaker the immune system gets. Laughter is a good way to break that cycle.
I had to work hard to find a stand-up comic who passed the Safe For Work test. So take a minute, laugh, and brighten up your day.
You’d think something as simple as getting wet, applying
soap, rinsing and drying wouldn’t be too difficult. But the fact is that most
people shower wrong. And by wrong, I mean that many of your rituals
(and mine – I shower wrong, too,) are harmful to your skin.
But fear not! After you read this post, you’ll be ready to
rub-a-dub-dub like a professional.
A Brief Showering History
Ever hear the phrase, “Don’t throw the baby out with the
bathwater?” It comes from a time in our past when there was no indoor plumbing.
Most working families only bathed once a week (Sunday, traditionally,) and it
was a very complicated process. They’d draw buckets of water from outside, heat
them on the stove, pour them into the tub, and only then could they start
getting clean.
Obviously it takes a lot of water to fill a tub, so most
families shared that single basin of water. The oldest members of the family
bathed first, because they were often the dirtiest after working all week. And
it followed with age, until the babies were cleaned last. By that time, the
water was so filthy that it was often hard to see the baby at all, hence the
phrase, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.”
Seeing the difference could save lives.
Or at least that’s how the myth goes. In truth, the phrase comes from a book written by Thomas Murner in16th century Germany. Most working-class families did not own tubs and instead scrubbed
themselves over a pot of water. Full body immersions were rare and done in
bodies of water or in a barrel. Those who could afford tubs typically had
servants to fill them.
Still, it makes for a nice story.
Anyway, now we have water piped into our homes, heated
automatically, and pouring out of a nozzle with a simple turn of a knob. But
the ease of showering and bathing has caused us to do it more often, with some
complications.
The Science of Your Skin
What’s the largest organ in your body? Intestines? Lungs? In
fact, it’s your skin. And as a living thing, it is constantly healing and
repairing itself. Dead skin cells naturally flake off, or go down the
drain when we shower. In fact, our dead skin makes up 75 percent of the dust in
our home. And what’s more, you’ll lose about nine pounds of skin every year.
These facts make me think twice about guys with a French maid fetish...
As gross as this may seem, it’s part of the natural process
of your body keeping itself healthy. Your outermost skin layer, the stratum
corneum (also called the “horny layer,” although I will refer to its scientific
name because I have the maturity of a 12 year old,) is where all the shedding
happens. The stratum corneum is made almost entirely of dead skin. Beneath this
layer are the keratinocytes, living skin cells waiting to replace your dead
skin. And beneath that is the basal layer, where skin cells are created.
Together, these sandwiched layers of skin are your epidermis, your body’s
defense against the elements
The stratum corneum, that dead outer layer, tends to look
dull. And why shouldn’t it? It’s dead skin, after all. So to keep ourselves
looking pretty, we usually scrub this skin off with mild hydroxy acids and
exfoliants. In the shower, we often use loofahs or other rough surfaces to
scrape off as much dull skin as possible. This exposes the living layer or
keratinocytes, which have a more attractive color. But doing this too often can
cause serious damage to your skin.
Scrubbing and Exfoliating
Remember in my earlier post about suntans when I said that
our skin protects us from ultraviolet light? Well, it’s the dead skin in our
stratum corneum that do the protecting. Because these cells are already dead,
there’s no fear of DNA damage and mutation. Our dusty, grey friends serve as a
wall, shielding all the living cells of our body.
Think of them as zombie linemen.
"Not today, UV rays!"
When we purposefully scrub these cells away to look
prettier, we’re removing our line of defense against skin cancer. Also,
removing the stratum corneum exposes the keratinocytes to damage. So if you
follow up with exfoliants, hydroxy acids and more scrubbing, you’re no longer
removing dead skin, you’re destroying healthy skin.
Too Hot to Handle
Hot showers are definitely relaxing. Nothing melts away
tension like a cascade of steaming water. But hot showers are dangerous for
your skin. Not only does the heat dry out your skin, but it opens up your
pores.
Wait, isn’t that a good thing?
Not if your water is contaminated with harmful chemicals. I’ve
read a lot online about how our body absorbs more chlorine during one hot
shower than it does after drinking six to eight glasses of water. Almost all of
these articles end with trying to sell filters for hot water heaters, or
specialty showerheads, so I’m skeptical.
But the science holds up: what’s in your water goes into you. So if the water
in your home isn’t from a regulated treatment center, you may be dosing yourself with potentially harmful minerals.
Be sure to have your water tested regularly if you draw from
a well.
Towel Drying Is Also Bad
So you’ve avoided scrubbing your face, used warm (not hot)
water, and you’re stepping out of the shower. Danger is over, right? Wrong. The
most common mistake people make while showering is how they dry off. That towel
you’re grabbing is out to ruin your skin.
Why, towel? Why!?
The typical way we dry off is we rub a towel against our
bodies, sometimes quickly, using the friction to dry off the water. It’s
efficient, but it’s harmful. Our bodies were meant to air dry. Our oldest
ancestors didn’t have access to Bed Bath and Beyond for their home décor needs.
When they dipped into the nearest body of clean water, they had to stand and
wait for the water to come off naturally.
They were doing it right.
It takes a lot longer, but air-drying is the simplest and
healthiest way to dry off after a shower. It soaks your carpet and makes your
pets want to lick you, but it keeps your skin intact. Towel-drying often
scratches at the skin, causing irritation. And since your body has already been
exposed to soap and water, your skin is most vulnerable just after stepping out
of the tub.
Since air-drying takes forever, most dermatologists suggest patting your skin with a towel instead of rubbing with it. Gently dabbing the
water off your skin relies on the towel’s absorbency to dry you off, not the
friction caused by rubbing.
Maybe we were on to something when we were eight years old.
Genius in the making here. No joke.
Mud pies. Not the delicious ice cream dessert, but the true,
honest-to-goodness, sculpted mud creation. At the time, we were probably just
in it for getting dirty and squishing the liquid between our fingers. But what
if we actually ate dirt? I don’t think that’s such a stretch. After all…
We Eat Sand
Check the labels of most cheese spreads or other gooey
products and you’ll likely find silicon dioxide or silica. It’s used as an
anti-gelling agent, keeping your cheese creamy. But what is it, you might
ask?
Silicon dioxide is sand. As the most abundant mineral in the
Earth’s crust, it is one of the cheapest food additives in existence.
Food...Pyramid?
But I’m not telling you this so you’ll go home and throw out
any packages of Velveeta or Cheez Whiz. Believe it or not, sand isn’t that bad
for you. In fact, silicon is just as important as calcium and vitamin D for building bones. It is also crucial for healthy joints. I’m not saying the next
time you go to the beach that you should start snacking at the sand bar, but
just know that some vital minerals for our bodies come from bizarre
places.
Some People Eat Dirt
“A person should eat a pound of dirt before they die.” It’s
a fairly common English expression, meaning that we need to get dirty in order
to fully enjoy life. But there’s literal truth to this quote, too.
ABC News wrote an article about the health benefits of certain soils, in which a woman in Georgia admitted to chowing down
on clay. According to her, whenever she was pregnant, she’d have strong
cravings for the mineral-rich sediment just outside her town. And now, science
tells us that there’s a good reason for her cravings.
Mud - Just like mom used to make!
When cows are producing milk for their young, they are
commonly seen eating dirt, clay, or finding salt licks. That’s because
producing milk, just like sweating, reduces the amount of salt in their bodies.
Eating dirt helps to correct this imbalance, allowing for healthier milk for
the calf.
As most people know, pregnant women are prone to
strange cravings. For my mom, it was Masterpiece Barbeque Ruffles potato chips.
I don’t mean to compare my mom to a cow (although that’s not an insult – some of
my best friends are cows,) but there’s logic to it: when providing nutrition
for another life, you have to supplement your normal food intake. For some
women, the salt imbalance is corrected by potato chips. Other women eat clay.
There is a biologically sound reason for seeking nutrients from soil.
More recent research suggests that soil corrects bacteria imbalances in the digestive tract. A 2011 study from Cornell University showed that the nutrients present in soil are minimal, whereas the positive effects this soil could have on intestinal bacteria was astounding. Instead of dirt causing a stomach ache, the study showed that people ate dirt because of a stomach ache caused by bad bacteria, and the microbes present in the soil helped cure the eaters.
For me, between drinking Pepto Bismol or swallowing a handful of dirt... It'd be a rough choice...
But Sometimes, Dirt-Eaters Are Genuinely Sick
Eating dirt, or other non-edible things like hair, paint, or
paper, can be a symptom pica, a neurological disorder. Instead of eating to
correct a nutritional imbalance, some people eat non-foods compulsively. They
don’t really know why they have the
urge to suck down Elmer’s glue or toothpaste, they just do.
This girl on TLC’s show My Strange Addiction compulsively
eats toilet paper, an obvious sign of pica.
Pica affects 10-30 percent of all children, according to the
U.S. National Library of Medicine. Often times it corrects itself through education
(“No, Timmy, we don’t eat our G.I. Joes…”) but severe cases could require
therapy.
This weekend I spent some time volunteering on a farm. Today
I’m scratched, sunburned and sore, but I have my theme for this week figured
out. This week will be all about dirt. Where does it come from? Why do we hate
it so much? Should we eat it? And are your attempts to clean yourself actually
hurting you?
Call Mike Rowe, because things are about to get dirty.
In truth, it’s all of the above. Crunching the numbers, soil
(“soil” sounds more scientific than “dirt”) is 25 percent air, 25 percent
water, 45 percent minerals and 5 percent decayed matter. Air is important for
the creatures and plants that live in soil, same as the water. And the minerals
like clay and stones not only give soil its consistency, but also hold in
moisture.
But wait, decayed matter? There are dead things in dirt?
Yes. Dead plants, animals and insects on or in the ground
contribute to soil. If a mouse were to have an aneurysm (I don’t like my
hypothetical mice to suffer) and drop dead, within a day, flies and maggots
would begin breaking it down. Fungus and worms would help send some of the
nutrients from the dead mouse into the soil. Eventually, all that would be left
are bones, which would be deconstructed by the weather, transformed into rocks
and added to the soil too!
Dirt never looked so adorable!
The darker your soil, the more dead stuff is in it. More dead stuff means
more nutrients to support plant life!
Cleanliness
So what do we do with dirt? We get rid of it. Someone tracks
dirt into our house, we sweep it away. If our hands get dirt on them, we wash
them. We have an ingrained need to eliminate dirt in our lives.
But why? What has dirt ever done to us?
"All I am saaaaying is give peace a chaaaance..."
The word “dirty,” which should literally mean “covered in,
or having the quality of, dirt,” is used to mean disorganized, out of order, or
unclean. Dirt isn’t our arch-enemy, so much as it is a metaphor for something
else. Something we think is bad.
There’s a common phrase, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.”
By that logic, being dirty has an absence of godliness. As a culture, we have
connected cleanliness with morality and dirt with evil. Being dirty is bad
because it means we don’t respect ourselves enough to be clean, or we aren’t “good”
enough people to avoid messes.
And this way of thinking is messing with our heads.
Being “Dirty” Affects Our Perceptions
A team of psychologists at the University of Toronto did an
experiment: have people sit down, read a series of social issues and then judge
them from 1, completely moral, to 11, absolutely immoral. The issues included
smoking, pornography, drug use, etc.
Simple, right? Well, the psychologists added a twist: half
of the volunteers washed their hands before the test and the other half did
not. They found that the people who were “clean” judged the issues harsher than
the “dirty” people.
The experiment only included 58 people. Hardly enough
participants for a good study… So they upped the ante. After the initial experiment,
they took 323 people in for a follow-up experiment and added 10 more social
issues. And the findings were the same – the “clean” group judged harsher than
the “dirty” group.
Chen-bo Zhong, a psychologist on the team, said, “[unconscious]
metaphorical thinking confuses physical purity with moral purity.” In other
words, this idea of dirt being “bad” goes so deep that we aren’t even aware
that we’re making that connection anymore.
“Clean freak” is starting to take on a whole new meaning…
For hand washing... or brain washing?
Over-Cleaning Can Cause Allergies
It’s not just your mind that’s affected by our culture’s
obsession with being clean, but your health. In the 1990s, Dr. Erika Von Mutius
ran a study that found that children in poorer, dirtier
cities developed fewer cases of allergies than children in wealthy,
well-developed areas. Her hypothesis, now known as the Hygiene Hypothesis, is
that the immune system develops when a child is very young. If a child is
exposed to good bacteria (probiotics,) animals, diverse plant life, and yes,
dirt, their body learns how to deal with these things better than a
child who grows up in a sterile environment.
Think of the immune system as a prize fighter. The more practice it gets with punching bags and other non-threatening objects (allergens at an early age,) the more prepared it is to deal with real fighting later. If the immune system isn't allowed to train, it goes into the ring without knowing how to throw a good punch and ends up slapping wildly at everything. Instead of attacking only what is bad for us, the immune system gets caught up on allergens, harmless particles, because it wasn't trained.
"Let me at 'im, coach! Pollen ain't that tough!"
To be fair, this is just a hypothesis; there is a lot of debate over
whether or not it is credible. One video interview I watched on YouTube had a
doctor saying that there was no evidence to support the Hygiene Hypothesis and
that sanitation techniques had nothing to do with the development of allergies.
Of course, that video was hosted by Lysol…
But another study I read, as well as the following video,
support the Hygiene Hypothesis.
